True identity unknown, the Mysterious Professor Zoltan founded 2012omg.com to tell the public the unlubricated truth about the coming 2012 catastrolypse and to fight against the nefarious forces working to bring it about. He - or she - spends their time behind the scenes, researching deep secrets of mystical lore; uncovering ancient clues and prophecies; fighting the agents of evil to thwart their unfolding schemes; and working tirelessly to post the results to this website. As a result, he is busy and may not respond to Facebook friend requests for several days. The professor's constant goal is to expose the Truth, enlighten the public and make lots of money off suckers buying merchandise and save the world.
Little is known about the Professor (contrary to the lies of his enemies, he is tenured and is not "adjunct faculty"). Speculation about his true identity ranges wildly: that he is the retired former super hero known as the Flaming Carrot; that he is the World's Most Interesting Man; that he is the clone of "world's wickedest man" Aleister Crowley; even that he is the notorious former drummer for '80s freestyle Puerto Rican pop sensation Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. He - or she - has never publicly denied being either Cobra Commander or Doctor Claw ... and might possibly be both.
2012omg's board of distinguished advisors and inner cabal members have been assembled to provide their wisdom and crusading might in our mission of fighting the 2012 doom-a-thon. Also, they have to approve expense reports.
Very little is known about this shadowy figure, our mole inside the terrifying group of conspirators collectively known as the New World Order. He has been thought to be a part of many sinister organizations including the Bilderberg Group, the Trilateral Commission, the Office of Secret Intelligence, as well as Red Zebra Broadcasting. All that can be said about him is that he is a powerful figure within the "shadow government" of the NWO with awesome responsibilities for the sinister plots to bring on the 2012 death-a-palooza and enslave humanity. There is some debate, depending on who you ask, if he is the "assistant regional overlord" or the "assistant to the regional overlord."
Morgana is a master of the occult arts including black magic, alchemy, voodoo, necromancy and Jaguar repair. By night, she practices her arcane arts, researching spells and incantations to fight the minions of evil and expose the darkest secrets of the mystic forces which are key parts of the 2012 apocalo-revelationalypse. By day, she sells lavender-infused candles and toiletries from her home in Sequim, Washington. She also collects tiny glass unicorns and follows the group Celtic Woman on tour each summer.
Contrary to popular belief, Morgana is not Stevie Nicks. She would also like us to make sure that she is not confused with "Morganna the Kissing Bandit."
In 2008, this website got in a bit of, shall we say, financial distress. (It may have had something to do with a purchase of a mammoth underground nuclear-proof headquarters in Las Vegas at the height of the real estate boom.) We were listed as an organization with "toxic assets" and were provided with funds from the government TARP bailout program. One thing led to another and now the Federal government is our largest shareholder. Deputy Undersecretary Friedrichs is our designated government representative on the board, ensuring we don't spill the beans on the horrifying top-secret government plots being developed (hint: think flying monkeys) and he also makes sure we don't try to put personal items on our expense reports.